Tricked ya! You know that you can’t change someone else, you can only change yourself.
The good news is that when you change, the people around you change in response.
There are so many ways to change your behavior. Here are a few common ways to get you started:
Change your environment. Spend your time somewhere that supports the change you want to make.
Practice the same new behavior for 28-60 days.
Reward yourself.
Surround yourself with people who exhibit that behavior you're looking to change.
The thing you want changed is specific to you, but here's an example to illustrate how to apply those changes using that list above:
You and your partner fight each day after work and you want that to change. Change your environment by asking your partner to go for a walk after work or when you get home take 10 minutes by yourself to decompress with a mindfulness exercise so when you do start your interaction with your partner, you are in a mindful, calm place. Do this for approximately 1-2 months. Reward yourself for each week you accomplish this. And surround yourself with couples or families who know how to manage conflict. Just spending time with people who reflect the behavior you're trying to change will be influential.
And of course, you can get professional help. The act of talking to someone professionally trained in helping you work through an issue or accomplish a goal is different from talking to your friend, your parent, your coworker (although those are valuable relationships too!)
When you hire a trained professional to work with you, there is consistency, healthy boundaries, psycho-education, support, collaborate, someone monitoring your progress, someone who is objective, nonjudgmental, unbiased AND you can focus on yourself without the reciprocity that is part of a personal relationship.